I have a confession to make!
Over the past few years I think God has been working on my soul. Let me rephrase that... I know God has been at work on my soul! You have heard the story! The loss of money, house, car, pregnancies of those I love, schools, laptop, staff, church property, members, and confidence! Some call it the Dark Night of the Soul. Wilkinson calls it the WasteLand. I call it God kicking the "crud" out of His servant to get him where He wants him!
And I confess to you and to God, that I surrender! I am tired of fight, tired of knowing, and tired of resisting. The last few years have been about knowing! I want to know! I want to understand! I want it to make sense! I want to know why!!!
This week I buried myself in a small book by Bruce Wilkinson that my good brother, Michael Weiss had commended to me. In "The Dream Giver" Wilkinson writes...
"But the hurt we felt went deeper than that.
You see, we all felt that God had called us to do a magazine for Him.
We had obeyed Him at great personal cost.
And then it felt like God had watched from the sidelines while we went down in flames.
It was one of the most disillusioning seasons of my life.
All our efforts had added up to failure and waste.
As a result, I lost all confidence that I could ever lead again."
The Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkinson P. 114
As I sat in my office and read those words I bowed my head and wept! My lack of understanding and questions have kept me from sharing my faith. Everything I don't know about God in my own life has kept me from sharing Him with others. The answers I don't have kept me from sharing what I do have!
Wilkerson writes... "Most Dreamers emerge from the WasteLand feeling spiritually and emotionally depleted. Our relationship wih God has been tested and, in many cases, damaged by distrust." How can I share Christ with others when I don't understand what he is doing in my life!
But something is beginning to stir. I can't explain it. I can't justify it. As stupid as it may sound, my desire to be with Him is growing stronger than my desire to understand Him. I have felt myself worshiping, and crying. And crying, and worshiping, and really praying, for the first time in a long time. For reasons I can't understand, and probably never will, the need to know is fading into the background, and a need for His presence is being rekindled.
It sounds very cliche, but I feel like the boxer who is on the canvas... and the referee is counting four, five, and six! The crowd wants him to stay down! People know it is over! But out of nowhere, or somewhere, the boxer raises up his head. He knows he can't stay down, and something deep in his soul tell him it isn't yet over.
I have no idea what God has for NCF. But I know that in 1995 I felt God call me to this town for two reasons. To win souls, and to make disciples! I know that we are pursuing a Biblical and God given model of ministry! And I know that God wants me to use the gifts of preaching and teaching He has given me!
If God has called you to NorthPoint I pray you will Celebrate on Sunday, fully engage your Life Group mid week, open your heart to your Mentor, and pray for your OIKOS. On the day of Pentecost 120 believers gathered for prayer. God used them to change the world. What will God do with us if we seek Him with all of our heart, and serve Him with all of our strength? Only He knows!
I love you all,